Friday, October 9, 2009

Fighting Fear

Yesterday I took the puppy for a 4.5 mile run/walk. With about a mile and a half to go I ran into road work and had to follow the detour sign. In front of me were a middle aged man and his West Highland White Terrier. As I went to run past, Pierce puppy stopped to play with the Westie.

I said hello and made small talk while the dogs played. The man was from England, but has lived here seven years. We talked about dogs, the Public Option, Europe's impending decline, and how Americans are "too trusting." As we were parting ways he yelled across the field, "You know, you better be careful, a man walking his dog could be a serial killer."

I paused for a moment letting that sink in. "Who says that?" was my internal dialogue.

He turned around and yelled over his shoulder, "I'm not, but you never know."

Pierce and I resumed running and I found myself running a little faster.

You must know, I was along a main road with lots of cars going by in a highly populated area. As safe as safe is going to get when you are running/walking a dog by yourself.

It bothered me that I temporarily ran a little faster, that I allowed the him to get to me, allowed fear to seep in.

I'm a trusting person. I believe that there is good in everyone. My instinct is to be courteous and friendly. I live life with an open heart.

For a moment, that fear-mongering man made me question all of that. I thought, "Maybe I am too naive... maybe I should be more guarded..."

Then my brain and heart connected and compromised. I won't be running on that side of the river for a few days, but I am also not going to let the Brit get the better of me, harden my heart... I will still be courteous and friendly and let Pierce stop to socialize with other pups and, if I am uncomfortable at any point, I'll resume our run with nothing but maybe a little wave good-bye.

I was afraid of a lot of things between the age of 10 and 19.

I know that living in fear is no life at all.

I'm taking the pup for a run right now along the banks of the river, over the bridge, past the willows, along the facades of the former mills, past Mr. and Mrs. Mallard (lucky duckies in Love)... Just like we do every day.

Are you fighting any fears today? How do you let go of them?

Thursday, October 8, 2009


Every day, at least twice a day,I take the puppy for a run.

After a run - August 20, 2009

I won't go so far as to say that I love it...

but I am regaining shape, slowly losing some weight, and going further and faster. It also clears my mind and, after running, I am more productive for the remainder of the day. Yippee for running! Hip hip hooray!

Now the big question, how can something that is so good for me literally (physically) be so bad for me figuratively (emotionally)? (am I using literally and figuratively appropriately?...too many ly's)

Most agree, running from your emotions is bad. It can make you physically ill. If you run from your emotions for too long you may do or say something you can't take back. Eventually, the emotions you are running from will catch up to you.

Personally, I find it easier to run physically every day than to face my deepest emotions every day. Emotions are difficult and scary and usually require some type of action in order to achieve resolution. Usually, you have to say something to someone and risk their reaction. I value my relationships so much that this is often difficult. In the end, I recognize that facing your deepest, most difficult emotions is beneficial, but oh the journey...the long, long journey.

5 miles a day is easy for me physically.
How is five miles a day measured emotionally?
10 minutes of crying, 6 hugs, 15 minutes of introspection, and 1 blog post?

Let me know when you figure it out, literally.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Girl Time

On Saturday, I met up with my friend Alison. We had tea and talking at Starbucks. Talking was long over due. There was so much to say.

Then we took a short drive to the mall, a place I rarely visit. We went to Lush for hair care products. Bath and Body Works because I had a gift certificate. Victoria's Secret because she had a coupon for a free pair of panties and $10 of a purchase of $10 or more. Second Time Around, an awesome second hand store.

Inevitably, we spent most of our time (and money) at Anthropologie. We would both like to live in that store. Something about Anthro is so calming and inspiring. It is a visual and textural feast. Prancing around the dressing room in ridiculously amazing frocks bestowing compliment after compliment on each other was delightful. I bought a dress, a skirt, and a top. Alison, six months pregnant with her second son and absolutely radiant bought a top, too. We left so many things we really loved behind. I guess that means we will just have to go back again soon.

There is something so therapeutic about spending time with a girlfriend. Time falls away. Worries are eased. We feel free to be ourselves, without care for what those around us might think of our silly antics or intimate topics of conversation.

Alison, I am so grateful for your friendship and always here for you no matter... Thank you for Saturday!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Around (Water)Town

In the blue light of evening, the puppy and I took a stroll. There is a certain charm to our town. It speaks for itself...

Town Hall and its tree:

A bit of the library. See the lady in the window?:

Old Coca Cola sign:

By the river:

The Charles River

Bench and Flowers

Mills Turned Art Studios

Old art deco(?) facade of town pool


At CVS this morning an employee asked, "Need any help Ma'am?"

At Town Hall, a gentleman held the door for me, "Ma'am." he said as he nodded me by.

At the gas station where I waited for my car to be inspected, "Ma'am, you're all set." the boy not much younger than me proclaimed.

Do I look like a Ma'am to you?

Exhibit A:

Okay, so maybe the glasses are a little "Granny" and I do have some freckles. No wrinkles though and I think the hair is pretty sexy.

Exhibit B:

The corduroy blazer is a little "Ma'am ish", I guess, but the rest looks pretty young and fresh to me.

Exhibit C:

So you can assess my ma'am ish ness from another angle...

I actually looked up Ma'am, short for madam, which is by definition:
"a women of refinement." In my case, this is debatable.

"the mistress of a household" True.

"a woman in charge of a brothel"
My favorite definition. Though not true, it is possible that with the plunging neckline, shape defining jacket, wild hair, and cunning smile, one of the three thought it to be true.

Maybe, Ma'am is not such a bad way to be addressed after all. It doesn't necessarily mean I look old and at least it shows some respect.