Left Alone

Laying in bed last night listening to the dishwasher run, I remembered the first time my mother left me alone.

I was eight years old. We were living in our third, and my favorite, house. My best friend was visiting and we were deeply entrenched in imaginative play. My mother needed to go to the farm down the street for vegetables. Ali and I asked to stay home. My mom wasn't sure about that. We promised everything would be fine and we would stay in the house. After much prodding, my mom relented. After all, she would only be gone 10 minutes or so. "The dryer is running so you may here some noises come from the basement. I'll be back in just a few minutes."

It wasn't long after she left that we heard noises. After a few more minutes we convinced ourselves that it didn't sound like the dryer. We decided someone must be in the basement or trying to get in the house.

Ali and I ran up to the third floor bathroom and hid in the tub. That is exactly where my mother found us whispering to each other when she returned mere minutes later. "I guess we need to wait a little longer until I leave you alone again." she laughed. "No, no, Mom. We're fine like we promised." I insisted.

I can't remember the next time she left me alone with no adult present in the house. Truthfully, I was probably 16.

Lying in bed in the dark I felt alone, floating, suspended in time, and 8 years old all over again.

Alone

I miss Mr. B&B
Last week he was in Colorado for 3 days.
This week he has been in New Mexico since Sunday and will not return until Saturday.

When he is away, I have nightmares.

Last week I dreamed of a couple coming into our house to steal things while I was sleeping. In my dream, I woke up, asked what they were doing, and told them all they had to do was ask for those things on Freecycle and I would be happy to give them to them.

Last night I dreamed I was in the supermarket and a guy fell to the floor. I thought he was having a heart attack and cried out. A guy at the end of the aisle came presumably to help, but it turned out he had a gun with a silencer and had just shot the guy I thought was having a heart attack. He tried to attack me and as I was struggling with him, I woke up.

I like to think I do o.k. when I am alone. I am a 27 year old grown-up. But my dreams betray me.

How do you feel about being alone for any period of time?

Queen of Snow Removal

Though I have always thought it would be a worth while experience, I have never lived alone. My freshman year at Emmanuel College I was never without a roommate. My sophomore year, spent at Bridgewater State College, I lived with my mom's best friend who had an empty nest and lived near campus. Then I lived with my parents again and shortly after that moved out to live with my best friend and her family while I searched for a job. After three months, I found a full-time job and moved in with my aunt and her family who lived closer to my place of employment. Three months later, it was back to my parents house for a year or so and then off to live with my then-boyfriend now-husband. I have never lived alone, but I am prone to wondering if I could. Am I capable of caring for myself? Would I be able to take care of home repairs? Would the bathroom ever get cleaned? Would I be organized enough to make sure the car got its oil change every 3.000 miles? What if there was a natural disaster?

Well, the answer to my last question came this weekend. Here in Massachusetts it snowed Friday afternoon through Sunday night. Mr. B&B was away in New Mexico until Saturday night leaving me to brave the storm alone. I awoke Saturday and set to work. Bundled up in several layers of warmness and a faux-fur lined hat with ear flaps, I began the clean-up.
First, clear the front porch of snowdrifts.
Second, clear the stairs and lay down eco-friendly ice melt.
Third, the front walk and sidewalk.
Forth, and most difficult, remove mound of plow droppings from end of driveway.
Fifth, clear the driveway.
Admittedly, when I had cleared half the driveway, the upstairs neighbors came out to help. Lyle walked to the gas station with the gas can, came back and mixed the eco-friendly oil with the gas, filled the snowblower with said mixture, and snowblew the rest of the snow against the fence. Thank you Lyle!
Finally, shovel out and clean off car.

When I finished, I felt such a sense of accomplishment and inwardly dubbed myself the Queen of Snow Removal. The mailman was pretty proud of me, too, and thankful that I had cleared a path to the front door. I saw lots of adolescent children wandering around the neighborhood with shovels, but I must have looked like I knew what I was doing because none of them offered assistance. The pups and their people were out and about barking their approval, too.

Though I was only alone for part of the storm, I was still alone and not only survived, but also did what needed to be done. I also learned that one is never really and truly alone when they have neighbors.