On this day...

two years ago, I was at my parent's house watching my mom whirl around in a cleaning frenzy, answering phone calls from friends and family and florist, firming up final details. Around 4:30, I slid on my green slip dress, tugged my blue shrug over my shoulders, and headed to the church for the rehearsal on the eve of our wedding.

I still can't believe it has been two years.

This morning as Mr. B&B and I stepped out on the porch he sighed and said, "Two years ago today I was playing golf with my dad..." Then he slipped his arm around my waist and we kind of stood there for a minute, quiet, taking in the warming spring day, being in the moment.

Then off to work he went. We do, after all, have bills to pay and not everyone accepts love as payment. <3

***
After two years, I wonder:

Am I living up to his expectations as a person? as a wife?

How have I changed in the past two years? For the good? For the worse?

I think often spouses forget to ask each other these deep down questions, voice these deep down worries. I think maybe our marriages would be better if we did.

One of the things about marriage people forget to tell you?
A good marriage is hard work.
***

Recently I spoke with two dear friends living on opposite sides of the marriage spectrum. "Friend A" is facing struggles. "Friend B" is working to proactively prevent struggles. I love them both dearly. They are both amazing women. They both have husbands who have never been anything but nice to me. Both had beautiful, joyous weddings. Friend A has been married two and a half years. Friend B, near double that. Both friends are the same age.

I talked to A a couple of weeks ago. I asked her how she and her husband were doing. "We're a mess!", she exclaimed. In her words they are "living separate lives under the same roof" in spite of her ongoing efforts to improve the situation which she recognizes she can not do without his cooperation. Eventually, I point blanked asked her, "Do you think you are getting to a point where you will give up on the marriage?" She surprised me with her answer, "I did not get married to see what it was like or try it out for a little while. I got married because I want to spend my life with him and there are ups and downs and I am not giving up on him or on us." She said it with such conviction and I was stunned and proud of her.

Since it seems their biggest struggle is with communication and spending time with each other, I suggested something Friend B had just told me about.

B and her husband recently went to a marriage retreat. I asked if they were having challenges. B said they are doing just fine, but it never hurts to do things that are geared toward strengthening your marriage. They saw the retreat as an opportunity to really connect with each other while learning from some long married marriage masters. After the retreat, B told me about this wonderful, fairly simple, free-if-you-want-it-to-be exercise for improving their marriage.

Materials needed:
eight different colors of construction paper
2 pairs of scissors
receptacle for construction paper strips (ex. butter tub, sock, hat, candy dish...)
imagination

The exercise:
1. Each person picks four pieces of paper. 1 color for spring, 1 for summer, 1 for fall, 1 for winter.
2. Separate from each other, write down activities that you would like to do with your spouse for fun during each season and write on appropriately colored paper. Anything from "a walk around the block holding hands" to "wander around the art museum".
3. Keep the things you have written down secret from your spouse.
4. roll up strips of paper word side in and put in receptacle
5. once a week, pull a strip out of the receptacle and do whatever the strip of paper says is the activity for you to do together that day. If it is her turn this week, it is his turn next week and you keep alternating.

Result: You will spend some amount of time together each week and will probably talk with each other more which makes for a better partnership.

Wow, that was harder to describe than I thought and I am still not sure if I am describing it correctly.

This weekend, Mr. B&B and I decided to pick two different colors of paper.
Me: Pink
Him: Orange
I wrote down ten things I would like to do with him.
He wrote down ten things he would like to do with me.
If we make it 20 weeks, we will fill out more strips and keep going.
I am so excited for the surprise fun that is in store for us!!!!!
*****

It seems the key is communication.

As we, The B&B's, head into our second year of marriage, do you have any advice for us?

P.S. The fun post comes tomorrow with wedding pics galore :-)

Just Jules and Me

Through the interviewing phenomenon that is sweeping Blogville, I have been introduced to some amazing blogs. Just Jules is one of them. Her interview with Tangobaby can be found here. Jules was also interviewed by julochka here. Struck by how candid, funny, and sincere she is, I asked her to interview me. Within a few hours, I received this email:

"Here are your 5 interview questions. Forgive me if they aren't up to snuff for Baba Wawa (Barbara) but I had 6 kids around today - not much time for thoughtfulness...."

How amazing is this lovely, mid-western woman? Those of you visiting from her blog, welcome and thank you <3

JJ: I see that you are just married. Congrats. What 3 things have surprised you about married life? (please post with this how long you have been married now)

B&B: Mr. B&B and I were married on April 21, 2007. We are exactly three months shy of our two year anniversary.
Three married life surprises:
1. There is still so much to learn about each other.
2. Even though we lived together before we were married, it felt different, good different, after we were married. There was a deeper commitment.
3. It is easy to fall into a rut, get mired down in the every day. It takes a little work and diligence to keep it interesting and continue growing, evolving together.

JJ: One of your posts mentioned working for Teen Voices Magazine. The website states "You are more than just a pretty face" Since I have a girl who is just inching over to the pre-teen side of her life, I love this idea. What else can you tell us about the platform of this magazine and how is the magazine surviving in this "body worship" world?

B&B: Teen Voices is written by and for teen girls. Really, it is girls talking to girls about issues that are relevant to them in a way they can all understand. All articles contain content written by the teen girls working for the magazine and submissions from teen girls around the globe. The most recent issue is the "Girl Stuff" issue and contains, among other things, articles on Manga, teen girls in extreme sports, and surviving sexual assault. Teen Voices tries to get teen girls to think and form their own opinions. Use the minds inside their bodies.

All of the art work is by teen girls and our "cover girls" are the un-airbrushed, beautiful inside and out, teen girls who work at the magazine wearing their own clothes, make up and accessories of their choice.

Advertising in the magazine is minimal and almost always relates to education and being informed. In the most recent 57 page issue there were 6 advertisements.

Teen Voices is surviving in this "'body worship' world" thanks to donors and volunteers and people who subscribe to the magazine. We circulate the magazine, free of charge, to schools in Boston and the surrounding communities. In order to reach teen girls around the world, we are focusing on expanding and revamping the Teen Voices website. Judging by all of the submissions we receive from all over the world, Teen Voices strikes a chord, fills a void. There is no magazine like Teen Voices.

The other part of all of this is that Teen Voices is a mentoring program for teen girls in Boston and the surrounding communities which I talked about in my interview with Tangobaby.

If you, or anyone else reading, would like a copy of the magazine, email me and I will send you a free copy!

JJ: In your profile you list your occupation as student. Are you still? What are you pursuing?

B&B: I am still a student working toward my BA. I am designing my own major in Publishing. This means lots of literature courses, writing courses, and internships relevant to publishing. I have edited a book for a small publisher in addition to my work at Teen Voices Magazine. Having been to two other colleges right out of high school before making the decision to go to work for five years, when I returned to school it was on my own terms. I have about six classes plus a thesis to complete and I am really trying to stick with it and power through. Gosh, it can be difficult sometimes. Sometimes all I wanna do is be a homemaker, become a parent, continue volunteering, and open an Etsy shop. Then I remind my self how many opportunities open up once that piece of paper is in hand and I keep going.

JJ: In your photo "Shedding Light On Many Subjects" the books appear to be mostly of a political nature. Are these your books or Mr B&B's (your hubby)? How do they reflect the owner?

B&B: The books are Mr. B&B's, but I have read 1984 and Utopia. I will read anything, but prefer fiction. When it comes to non-fiction, I tend to read books about places/travel and memoir.
One of my bookcases

A Shelf Up Close

As far as reflecting their owner, Mr. B&B loves history and politics. He keeps up with current events. He reads for the pleasure of learning. In Mr. B&B's own words: "I flip between light and fluffy books, often about sports, and the heavier reading material you see on the shelf. I love David Halberstam and the list of books he has written follow that switch." Case in point: Right now Mr. B&B is reading Slash's memoir.

JJ: I am new to blogging. Through blogging I have seen "twittering". Give me a super short explanation of this, AND how has twittering effected your life for the good-why should one twitter?

B&B:
super short explanation: Say anything you want in 140 characters or less.
good effects/why: Exposure to new people, new ideas, and more traffic to my blog.
More about Twitter: A Comprehensive Guide to Twitter
My Twitter: morningtonight

Thank you for making time to ask me such thoughtful questions, Jules!

If you would like to get in on the fun, these are "The Rules":

1. Leave me a comment saying: "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the questions.)
3. You will update your blog with the answers and link to my blog in your post.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed you will ask them five questions.

What's Cookin' Good Lookin'?

In our house, we usually do the groceries together, but I am the cook. I love too cook and Mr. B&B loves my cooking. I get to exercise my creativity and Mr. B&B gets good eats. Sounds wonderful, right? It is! Only...

Sometimes I secretly wish my man would cook with me. There is something so intimate and sensual about the idea of cooking together. This morning my wish came true!

When we went grocery shopping last Sunday there was a free sample of Abobora Japonesa Soup. Abobora Japonesa is a type of squash that you can read about here. Mr. B&B LOVED it. So we took a copy of the recipe and bought the necessary ingredients. I just didn't get around to making it until this morning.

I was doing alright with the recipe until I had to peel and chop the Abobora Japonesa. I tried five different knifes and two different peelers, but nothing worked. I was a damsel in distress. Suddenly, my knight in flannel pajama pants appeared and, working together, we got the job done.

The greatest things about having Mr. B&B with me in the kitchen:
honing communication, cooperation, and problem solving skills
telling stories about cooking with various people when we were little
reaching around each other to get at tools and ingredients
watching him work...something so sexy about chopping, peeling, etc.

Then we cuddled on the couch, under the blankets and ate our yummy, organic, warm soup for lunch on this frigid December day.

If you'd like to whip up a little romance of your own, the recipe is below.

Abobora Japonesa Soup

Ingredients:
1 garlic clove
1 medium onion
1.5 pounds (or half of the whole) Abobora Japonesa peeled and cubed
4 cups of water
1 cup of milk (I substituted soy milk and it worked fine)
1 tablespoon of butter (again, I substituted soy and it worked fine)
1 tablespoon of olive oil
salt and black pepper to taste

Directions:
Saute the olive oil with onion and garlic.
Peel and cube the Abobora Japonesa.
Add Abobora Japonesa to the saute.
Add water and salt and cook until Abobora Japonesa is slightly firm.
Beat in the blender with milk, butter and pepper.

Yum Yum!