Sunday Scribblings #145 - Organic

Organic
Just letting things happen as they will
Naturally
unfolding
day by day
moment by moment
Feeling alive in the present
Relinquishing control
Giving in to the elements
Trusting all will grow and evolve
in time as intended
Easier said than done

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From the moment I knew I had met the man I would eventually marry, I was ready to have children. Six years later and one year into our marriage we are happy just the two of us. We talk about babies and agree we both want them, but our time frames are different. I say "come what may" and my husband says vaguely, "in a few years..."

Mr. B&B is a planner and always does things in proper order. High School, College, Master's, job, marriage, condo...oddly, I am not sure what the next step in his plan is. I fell in love with him partially because he is so grounded and always planning for the future.

I am a dreamer, a mottled leaf floating down the rambling river. High school, one year at one college, one year at another college, stint in human resources, job as law office receptionist in a small town and working my way up to legal secretary/paralegal at a Boston law firm, going back to college, getting married, moving in to the condo. I've lived in several different houses, a couple different states and a few different cities along the way. I'm still in school working toward that degree. I blog, write, photograph, sew, and paint when I am not in class or keeping up with the house work. Really, I guess, I am letting my life unfold organically and trying to pursue interesting opportunities as they enter my field of vision.

Mr. B&B and I generally balance one another out. When it comes to the baby thing, however, stalemate. In a sense, we are both saying, "some time soon", but each in a different sense. My "some time soon" includes relenting control and just letting nature take its course. His "some time soon" includes controlling the situation as much as possible until it is the "perfect time", whatever that means. I say there is no "perfect time" and no one goes into parenthood without fears and economic conditions are never exactly as one would like them to be. We have a roof over our heads. We have some semblance of stability. Most importantly, we have each other. Still, stalemate.

I think creating and birthing a baby is one of the most organic processes one can be a part of and, from what I've been told, well worth any potential pain. If the only thing I accomplished in life was being a wonderful wife and birthing beautiful babies and raising remarkable human beings, I would be blissfully happy. Throw in being able to pursue my writing/crafting/creative pursuits, too, and maybe a little volunteering here and there, and that would put me over the edge. However, creating, birthing, and raising takes two. Mr. B&B is the most important person in the world to me and I need to respect his feelings, too.

For now, we will keep communicating, see where it leads us, find our way to the answer organically.