I consider myself a pretty healthy person. I am vegan. I jog/walk 5 or more miles a day. I (mostly) make things from scratch instead of buying processed foods. I go to therapy for mental health.
Pretty healthy, right?
A couple weeks ago I went to the eye doctor.
"Your eyes have stayed the same." she proclaimed.
"Really? This is the first time ever that my eyes haven't changed." I was giddy!
"Well, you are ol... I mean, at a certain point, around your age, it's normal."
Horrified, I was. Old? She stopped just short of saying I'm old? Wow.
A few days later, I was at my new OBGYN.
After the normal pleasantries, she said, "So, you are 28."
Then I heard a stranger with my voice say, "Yes." Like, it was normal. Automatic.
My mind questioned this stranger, "Really? You are 28? How, when did this happen?"
We talked about the possibility of difficulties and dangers of getting pregnant. That, with my health history and age, I should do it sooner rather than later, if it is something my husband and I want. It was then that my mind caught up with the stranger, and slowly accepted that "Wow, I am an adult and my age is ever advancing and with age comes physical changes even if my mind and heart are still 5 years young. I have some serious choices to make."
Sitting in bed with the diagnosis of Bronchitis that has come after two weeks of coughing non-stop, I've been sewing itty bitty things for itty bitty babies that my friends will be bringing into this world soon and feeling nothing but joy. Then I heard it, a faint whisper of hope, a baby's cry, "I'm coming. Just ask for me, pray for me and you could be my mom."
I may be getting older, but my life isn't over. In fact, I could still be immortalized by a child if I wish, if I chose, if I pray... and I may.
Showing posts with label babies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label babies. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Oh, Baby!
It seems everyone around me is pregnant these days. Our upstairs neighbor is due in December. My darling Alison is having her second in January. My sweet friend, Irma, is due in February.
Melissa of "Everything I want to tell you..." is giving away a gorgeous maternity dress from Shabby Apple's Mama Apple collection.
I know that this is a dress any one of them would love to cover her growing curves with.
Enter here!
Melissa of "Everything I want to tell you..." is giving away a gorgeous maternity dress from Shabby Apple's Mama Apple collection.
I know that this is a dress any one of them would love to cover her growing curves with.
Enter here!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
One for the Ages
Mr. B&B and I hung out with a variety of different people on different occasions this weekend. In every group, the topic of age and aging came up. I never really think about my age. I just keep blazing my own trail.
Saturday night we joined Mr. B&B's extended family at a dinner celebrating his sister's 21st birthday. Of course, we all spoke vaguely about our 21st birthday parties and joked about how long ago they were. Then people got around to talking about when Melissa was born and how long they have all been married and "Where did the time go?" I wanted to scream, "Instead of moaning about the past, think about how you want to spend the rest of your time on this planet!" Eternal optimist, glass half full girl, I am.
Sunday afternoon and evening, we went to a party in Mr. B&B's hometown. It was actually thrown by two people I went to middle and high school with. Oddly enough, the best man at our wedding worked with the guy I know from school. Mr. B&B knew a lot more people at the party a lot better than I did. Inevitably, I was hanging out with our best man for most of the party. At the end of the night he and I were filled with randomness and got to talking about ex's. I told him I admire how friendly he is with one of his ex's after all of the messiness at the end of their relationship. He replied, "We were just 19 year old kids. It was ten years ago. We've gotten over it." That hit me head on. If he was 19 ten years ago, I was 18 ten years ago. I suddenly felt what the people at Melissa's birthday party must have felt. Yeah, those people I wanted to yell at. So, I yelled at myself.
When I turned 25, my younger and only brother called and said, "You're almost 30." What is this anxiety we attach to numbers? Why do we give them so much power over our lives? Maybe I feel a bit more freedom from them because I have done things unconventionally, on my own time table. Just try and make the most of every day, I say. Some days we have more to give than others, but give it all you got, whatever it is you've got to give.
Sunday evening, I talked to a long time friend of the family, in part to wish him and his wife Sherrie(my matron of honor), a happy 23rd wedding anniversary. I was the flower girl in their wedding and I wore a magnificent black and white dress with a gigantic twirly hoop skirt which I l-o-v-e loved. Joe said, "I've known you all your life, kid. I'm gettin' old." I have no words to say how grateful I am to still have people in my life who have known me since conception and are not blood relations. It's outstanding.
Monday, Keith and Alison brought Alexander to our house and we all munched on food and played on the playground. Keith and Alison are expecting another baby (or babies) in January. I remember when they found out they were pregnant with Alexander. I hope that Brad and I get to be Alexander and his siblings "Joe and Sherrie".
We're born. We grow. The cycle continues. Age after Age after Age.
To life.
Saturday night we joined Mr. B&B's extended family at a dinner celebrating his sister's 21st birthday. Of course, we all spoke vaguely about our 21st birthday parties and joked about how long ago they were. Then people got around to talking about when Melissa was born and how long they have all been married and "Where did the time go?" I wanted to scream, "Instead of moaning about the past, think about how you want to spend the rest of your time on this planet!" Eternal optimist, glass half full girl, I am.
Sunday afternoon and evening, we went to a party in Mr. B&B's hometown. It was actually thrown by two people I went to middle and high school with. Oddly enough, the best man at our wedding worked with the guy I know from school. Mr. B&B knew a lot more people at the party a lot better than I did. Inevitably, I was hanging out with our best man for most of the party. At the end of the night he and I were filled with randomness and got to talking about ex's. I told him I admire how friendly he is with one of his ex's after all of the messiness at the end of their relationship. He replied, "We were just 19 year old kids. It was ten years ago. We've gotten over it." That hit me head on. If he was 19 ten years ago, I was 18 ten years ago. I suddenly felt what the people at Melissa's birthday party must have felt. Yeah, those people I wanted to yell at. So, I yelled at myself.
When I turned 25, my younger and only brother called and said, "You're almost 30." What is this anxiety we attach to numbers? Why do we give them so much power over our lives? Maybe I feel a bit more freedom from them because I have done things unconventionally, on my own time table. Just try and make the most of every day, I say. Some days we have more to give than others, but give it all you got, whatever it is you've got to give.
Sunday evening, I talked to a long time friend of the family, in part to wish him and his wife Sherrie(my matron of honor), a happy 23rd wedding anniversary. I was the flower girl in their wedding and I wore a magnificent black and white dress with a gigantic twirly hoop skirt which I l-o-v-e loved. Joe said, "I've known you all your life, kid. I'm gettin' old." I have no words to say how grateful I am to still have people in my life who have known me since conception and are not blood relations. It's outstanding.
Monday, Keith and Alison brought Alexander to our house and we all munched on food and played on the playground. Keith and Alison are expecting another baby (or babies) in January. I remember when they found out they were pregnant with Alexander. I hope that Brad and I get to be Alexander and his siblings "Joe and Sherrie".
We're born. We grow. The cycle continues. Age after Age after Age.
To life.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Sunday Scribblings #145 - Organic
Organic
Just letting things happen as they will
Naturally
unfolding
day by day
moment by moment
Feeling alive in the present
Relinquishing control
Giving in to the elements
Trusting all will grow and evolve
in time as intended
Easier said than done
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
From the moment I knew I had met the man I would eventually marry, I was ready to have children. Six years later and one year into our marriage we are happy just the two of us. We talk about babies and agree we both want them, but our time frames are different. I say "come what may" and my husband says vaguely, "in a few years..."
Mr. B&B is a planner and always does things in proper order. High School, College, Master's, job, marriage, condo...oddly, I am not sure what the next step in his plan is. I fell in love with him partially because he is so grounded and always planning for the future.
I am a dreamer, a mottled leaf floating down the rambling river. High school, one year at one college, one year at another college, stint in human resources, job as law office receptionist in a small town and working my way up to legal secretary/paralegal at a Boston law firm, going back to college, getting married, moving in to the condo. I've lived in several different houses, a couple different states and a few different cities along the way. I'm still in school working toward that degree. I blog, write, photograph, sew, and paint when I am not in class or keeping up with the house work. Really, I guess, I am letting my life unfold organically and trying to pursue interesting opportunities as they enter my field of vision.
Mr. B&B and I generally balance one another out. When it comes to the baby thing, however, stalemate. In a sense, we are both saying, "some time soon", but each in a different sense. My "some time soon" includes relenting control and just letting nature take its course. His "some time soon" includes controlling the situation as much as possible until it is the "perfect time", whatever that means. I say there is no "perfect time" and no one goes into parenthood without fears and economic conditions are never exactly as one would like them to be. We have a roof over our heads. We have some semblance of stability. Most importantly, we have each other. Still, stalemate.
I think creating and birthing a baby is one of the most organic processes one can be a part of and, from what I've been told, well worth any potential pain. If the only thing I accomplished in life was being a wonderful wife and birthing beautiful babies and raising remarkable human beings, I would be blissfully happy. Throw in being able to pursue my writing/crafting/creative pursuits, too, and maybe a little volunteering here and there, and that would put me over the edge. However, creating, birthing, and raising takes two. Mr. B&B is the most important person in the world to me and I need to respect his feelings, too.
For now, we will keep communicating, see where it leads us, find our way to the answer organically.
Just letting things happen as they will
Naturally
unfolding
day by day
moment by moment
Feeling alive in the present
Relinquishing control
Giving in to the elements
Trusting all will grow and evolve
in time as intended
Easier said than done
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
From the moment I knew I had met the man I would eventually marry, I was ready to have children. Six years later and one year into our marriage we are happy just the two of us. We talk about babies and agree we both want them, but our time frames are different. I say "come what may" and my husband says vaguely, "in a few years..."
Mr. B&B is a planner and always does things in proper order. High School, College, Master's, job, marriage, condo...oddly, I am not sure what the next step in his plan is. I fell in love with him partially because he is so grounded and always planning for the future.
I am a dreamer, a mottled leaf floating down the rambling river. High school, one year at one college, one year at another college, stint in human resources, job as law office receptionist in a small town and working my way up to legal secretary/paralegal at a Boston law firm, going back to college, getting married, moving in to the condo. I've lived in several different houses, a couple different states and a few different cities along the way. I'm still in school working toward that degree. I blog, write, photograph, sew, and paint when I am not in class or keeping up with the house work. Really, I guess, I am letting my life unfold organically and trying to pursue interesting opportunities as they enter my field of vision.
Mr. B&B and I generally balance one another out. When it comes to the baby thing, however, stalemate. In a sense, we are both saying, "some time soon", but each in a different sense. My "some time soon" includes relenting control and just letting nature take its course. His "some time soon" includes controlling the situation as much as possible until it is the "perfect time", whatever that means. I say there is no "perfect time" and no one goes into parenthood without fears and economic conditions are never exactly as one would like them to be. We have a roof over our heads. We have some semblance of stability. Most importantly, we have each other. Still, stalemate.
I think creating and birthing a baby is one of the most organic processes one can be a part of and, from what I've been told, well worth any potential pain. If the only thing I accomplished in life was being a wonderful wife and birthing beautiful babies and raising remarkable human beings, I would be blissfully happy. Throw in being able to pursue my writing/crafting/creative pursuits, too, and maybe a little volunteering here and there, and that would put me over the edge. However, creating, birthing, and raising takes two. Mr. B&B is the most important person in the world to me and I need to respect his feelings, too.
For now, we will keep communicating, see where it leads us, find our way to the answer organically.
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