School is Cool

So, in general, I enjoy school. I always have. I attribute it to my mom who was my first teacher. I distinctly remember, among other things, sitting at the kitchen table with her, a stack of magazines and a piece of paper, blank but for the upper and lower-case versions of one letter of the alphabet. We would talk about the letter and what it sounds like. My favorite part was opening the magazines, finding pictures of things that started with the letter on the paper, cutting them out, and gluing them to the page. Thanks to Mom, learning has always been fun for me and school therefore cool.
Then there were Lois and Pam, my preschool teachers.
Mrs. DeLorenzo, my kindergarten teacher who came to the house to meet me before school started.
Miss. Sullivan who eased my transition to a new school mid-fifth grade.
Ms. Pepin who managed to make high school math bearable, maybe even enjoyable, for me.
Even at the first two colleges I sampled my first and second year out of high school, there were teachers and classes I enjoyed.
Now here I am 27 and so close to earning my degree that I can taste it. I have had my rough patches, but school is still cool.

What is not cool is my having not blogged since Sunday, but school took priority. I wrote a very long paper and put together a thick portfolio of my Fall 2008 mentoring experience at Teen Voices for my independent study. It didn't start out as a major project. It just turned out that way. It started out with my adviser asking me to write a paper describing my Fall Experience at Teen Voices in order for her to understand what I did then so she can help me design my independent study for the work I am doing at Teen Voices now. When I got to our meeting yesterday and handed her the portfolio, she was flabbergasted. "What I am holding in my hands right now is worth at least the three credits you are taking this entire course for. I suggest you do an add/drop and take this independent study for 6 credits, instead." So that is exactly what I am going to do. We then outlined the rest of the semester.
My adviser for my independent study is also my overall academic adviser. Since my stick-to-it-ive-ness has been waning as of late, I asked her to go over what I have left so I can write it out and see it spelled out in front of me. This is what I have left or, as I fondly call it, Project Graduate:

This semester - Changing Views of Nature in American Literature
Independent Study - Teen Voices Magazine

Summer - One class (perhaps Applied Ecology, a two weekend class)
Some elective

Fall - Research Seminar in preparation for thesis
Thesis I

Spring - Thesis II

Graduate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Can there be too many exclamation points?)

So, dear blog friends, I am on a mission. This means I may go missing for a couple days at a time. It does not mean I love or appreciate any of you any less. Rest assured I will never abandon you because that is just not cool.

Burgeoning Belly Buttons

I am back at Teen Voices Magazine today! This time I am an Editorial Assistant instead of a mentor. So, it is me and Editor and Chief Rebecca Steinitz against the deadline!

Did you know that due to NBC's "No Navel Edict", Barbara Eden had to put a putty plug in her belly button and cover it with a veil on I Dream of Jeannie?

This morning I did fact checking on an article about teens on television. This led to extensive research on when belly buttons became acceptable on T.V. It seems it was some time in the 1970's.

I love this job! Though I am not paid in dollars, I am already gaining so much knowledge.

Yoo-Hoo!

Hi, all! Where have I been?

Sewing. Sewing a polka dot pillow and adding a tulle "tutu" around the edges.

Volunteering. Our new Wednesday session at Perkins School for the Blind started today.

Overseeing. For three days men have been insulating my basement, kitchen & attic.

Photographing. Inside and outside, just so much loveliness waiting to be seen.

Tomorrow I start volunteering as an editorial assistant at Teen Voices Magazine.

In two days, the resilient and magnificent NieNie returns to blogging here.

In a bit more than a week, school begins.

I solemnly swear to keep nurturing my little corner of the blog world...
NO MATTER WHAT!

What I Mean to V

We had our end of session ceremony at Teen Voices tonight. Mentors read paragraphs they had written to their mentees and vice versa.

This is what one of my mentees, V, had to say about me:

From the day my phone rung, I have always liked you. It wasn't when we first met, or when we chuckled during mentoring, it was the minute you said Hi. We were talking for about 20 minutes and I didn't even know you. I was already amazed by the person you were, and the spirit you always carry. I treasured learning about you, and the journey you've experienced; especially what you do in school and your life at home - you truly do inspire me. i don't know who, out of the two-was most excited. The excitement never wore off, and you have been such a help on numerous things. I've not only gained knowledge, but a college friend! I love the fact that you're always smiling, no matter the day. it reminds me to be more like you. You are someone who should be celebrated, not only for your work but for your heart, I hope i have more than today to commemorate. Love always, V-

I just want to be sure to say that I am not posting V---'s paragraph to toot my own horn. I am posting it because I do not know how to express what a joy it has been to mentor at Teen Voices and to be part of the lives of these incredible teen girls. So, maybe by reading their words, you can begin to understand. Maybe it will inspire you to pursue your own volunteer interests or spark a volunteer interest you did not know you had.

What I Mean to A

We had our end of session ceremony at Teen Voices tonight. Mentors read paragraphs they had written to their mentees and vice versa.

This is what one of my mentees, A, had to say about me:

Saturday morning I woke up waiting for your call, not knowing who you were but still anticipating. 9:30, checked my phone, still no call. 10:00, checked it again, still no call. Hours later, checked my phone, OH NO! A missed call from an unknown number. Could it be you? Yes! There's a message: "hi a-, its your mentor Alex, if you coule give me a call back that would be great. Thanx."
Yay! You finally called. I called you back excited to talk to you.
At orientation we learned about first impressions. Guess what? You passed. You made a great first impression. You were funny, and mellow, and just down to earth. When I finally met you that Tuesday in person, you brought us little welcome baggies. Thank you again.
Working with you here has been a very appreciative experience. You may not know it, but I learned a lot from you. You were always somewhat insightful, and fun to talk to. We could talk to you about anything. You always ask us how our days are going and if we were frustrated you allowed us to vent before beginning. you were very understanding. i also found your life very interesting, and I can say that we have something in common that I can relate to.
Soooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! Stay sweet, and I love youuuuu!
Thank you for everything.

I just want to be sure to say that I am not posting A---'s paragraph to toot my own horn. I am posting it because I do not know how to express what a joy it has been to mentor at Teen Voices and to be part of the lives of these incredible teen girls. So, maybe by reading their words, you can begin to understand. Maybe it will inspire you to pursue your own volunteer interests or spark a volunteer interest you did not know you had.

What I Mean to K

We had our end of session ceremony at Teen Voices tonight. Mentors read paragraphs they had written to their mentees and vice versa.

This is what one of my mentees, K, had to say about me:

Alex, OMGEEE Alex, what to say about Alex. I remember when I first talked to you on the phone and you sounded like you were 5. I was like who did Saun pair me up with, and then, when I seen you in person, you looked like you were 18. When V---, A---, and I asked you how old you are and you told us that you were 27, we were all bugged eyed because you look so young. Thankfully you acted it, too. You are a great mentor, from the moments that my group and i were being lazy to the times that we were all amped about working. You even took us to BK, and paid. Whenever one of us needed help, and we know how often that was, you helped us no matter what. I can talk to you about anything, and it was weird because if we came in, as soon as you saw us, you knew our mood. I am thankful to work with you because you were very caring and thoughtful when it came to one of us. Thank you, Alex, for everything that you did for me. Yours truly, K---!!!

I just want to be sure to say that I am not posting K---'s paragraph to toot my own horn. I am posting it because I do not know how to express what a joy it has been to mentor at Teen Voices and to be part of the lives of these incredible teen girls. So, maybe by reading their words, you can begin to understand. Maybe it will inspire you to pursue your own volunteer interests or spark a volunteer interest you did not know you had.

What My Mentees Mean to Me

This afternoon into the evening was my final mentoring session with my three Teen Voices girls. It was cut short because, due to an impending snow storm, the Teen Voices staff decided to move up our appreciation ceremony scheduled for tomorrow evening to this evening. The girls and I got two hours of work done in forty-five minutes time. A.MAZE.ING. So incredibly proud of them!!!!!

So, the ceremony consisted of speeches by the Editor-In-Chief and staff of Teen Voices. The teen girls gave "shout outs" to people they have become close to and spoke about Teen Voices in general. The heart of the ceremony was when the girls read paragraphs they had written to their mentors and the mentors read paragraphs they had written to their girls. I didn't cry, but you better believe there were lots and lots of hugs.

I will post their paragraphs about me individually later.

This is what I had to say to them (names have been protected):

I was blessed with three mentees. When this all started I knew their names, now I like to think I know even just a little piece of their hearts. _______________________________________________________________________
K---. NOT K---. K---. And, if you can’t get it right, K--- will do. Respect, y’all. Original name for an original young lady.

Original because you were the first one I met on our first day.

Original because I don’t know any other ladies who successfully rock the suspenders and pearls and polkadots all at once.

Original because I’ve never heard anyone rap out thoughts and feelings on stage quite the way you did at the Teen Voices spoken word event.

Original because there is not another person who sees the world exactly as you do which is why I hope you continue to share your point of view through writing and photography. Don’t hold back or ever let anyone hold you back from your creative expressions. You have a gift and you would be doing a disservice to the universe if you let anything or anyone get in the way of it. Live your dream.

You always worked hard, but there were times when your silence caused me wonder how interested you really were. As soon as doubt crossed my mind you would do something to show me otherwise. Actions sometimes speak louder than words and I loved that you often reminded me of that. Thank you for always keeping things interesting just by being yourself.
________________________________________________________________________
A---. Not A---. A---. As she says, “Good-ness, get it right people.” Unique name for a unique young woman.

A young women who prefers to work leaning over the table or laying on the ground rather than sitting down.

A young women who loves the word “lothario”.

A young women who thinks and speaks at warp speed and then calls me out when it is obvious by my reply that I only sort of understood half of what she was saying.

A young woman who, during a somewhat confusing conversation about the location of Planned Parenthood, once asked, “Wait? What? They moved the building? Where’d they put it?”

A---, you are amazingly, unfalteringly aware of what you want, where you are going, and how you are going to get there. Hold on to that. Stay confident and determined. The world better watch out, step back, get out the way because you have so much to give, so much to teach, and, when you are done, it will be a better place because you were here. There is nothing you cannot accomplish. You will take, you are in the process of taking, the world by storm. No doubt, you will blow us all away!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
V---. No name confusion here, but a remarkable Miss. nonetheless.

Miss. Conscientious.

Miss. Perfectionist.

Miss. Independent.

Miss. Calls Me Miss.

V---, I admire your willingness to speak honestly about what is on your mind, is going on in your life, without fear of how others might react. It is refreshing and I know that I have benefited from your willingness to share. It is beautiful. You are beautiful. As far as work goes, thank you for keeping everyone on task and staying focused when it would have been just as easy and maybe more fun to fall off the wagon into silly oblivion. Your seriousness and obvious desire to work hard completing the tasks on any given day helped me keep it together. Your honesty and work ethic will get you far. Miss. V---, you are beauty inside and out!
________________________________________________________________________

To all three of you,
I will miss gummy fruit snacks, gathering around one computer to “do it together”, and nagging you about saving your sources. I will miss exchanging big hugs, leaning over your shoulders every five minutes asking how things are going, and telling you how wonderful you are. I am so grateful for your trust, honesty, hard work, and openness to possibilities during our work together. I loved each and every minute. I love each and every one of you. And though I have said it again and again and again I must say it once more. I am so very proud of you and you should be extremely proud of yourselves! Round of applause for K---, A---, and V---!!!!!

Your Personal Year In Review

Usually I reflect and make resolutions on my birthday instead of at the end of the calendar year, BUT this is an amazing year-end list! Melissa at birds.eye.view posted this listy quiz of sorts By Ariane de Bonvoisin and found on HuffPo. As Melissa says, it’s one you do yourself!

* What was the best thing that happened to me this year?

My husband and I moved into a two-family turned two condos with all the original 1920's charms and we have made it a home.

* What did I do this year that I’m really proud of?

I have always wanted to volunteer. Finally, instead of just searching for opportunities, I took action. Volunteering is more challenging and also more rewarding than I ever imagined.

I began blogging regularly and putting myself and my writing out there in just a small way. Facing that fear is something I am proud of.

Started focusing on my mental health and am taking steps to improve it.

* Who did I really help?

I like to think I have helped my fellow volunteers and the families I have begun to know at Perkins School for the Blind.

Volunteering/Interning at Teen Voices Magazine, I hope I have helped the young women I have been working with to grow and change for the better.

By sending words of encouragement, contributing to Threads of Love, and spreading their story to everyone I can, I have tried to help the Nielson Family in my own small way.

I have tried to help my friends and family by always being here to listen, emote, and love.

I have tried to help my husband by getting up every morning to make his lunch and send him off to work with a hug and words of encouragement, by thanking him every night for working so hard to take care of our little family and for all of the support he gives to me no matter what, by participating in events that his employer puts on (volunteering at charity run, making apple pie, going to the Holiday Party), by fully understanding and encouraging all of the work travel he needs to do, by keeping the house running so he can leave his stress at work and fully relax when he is at home, and by just loving him.

* Who do I need to thank and acknowledge for having been there for me?

All of the people who I have helped have in turn helped me.

The other volunteers at Perkins have been friendly and encouraging. The families at Perkins have shown me what true courage and love really are. The child I worked one-on-one with at Perkins helped me to be patient, adapt, see the world in new ways, and pay attention to and acknowledge even the smallest accomplishments.

The young women at Teen Voices have helped to recognize that "normal" varies from person to person. They have helped me to be a better leader and listener. They have helped me to see my own possibilities by exhibiting theirs.

The Nielson and Clark families have helped me to grow in faith, to cherish every moment, to be grateful every day, to find the positive in every situation, to begin to figure out what I want my family to be like should my husband and I be blessed with children, to show my love to my husband every day in every way... Just so many lessons from NieNie, CJane, AliceKind, Lizzy Writes, and Christian.

My friends and family have helped me by being there to listen, emote, and love.

My husband has helped me by supporting our family, giving me the freedom to pursue all of my pursuits to the fullest, letting me be me, loving me just the way I am... Just being the incredible man he is... The yin to my yang.

* What are the top three lessons I learned?

It is more than o.k. to seek help when you need it.

We are all the same, even in our differences.

Our strength lies in our weaknesses.

* What increased my happiness and joy this year?

Making friends with complete strangers through blogging and volunteering.

Finding time for writing in one way or another nearly every day.

An "at home" vacation with my husband during which we went to Nascar in New Hampshire, the Science Museum, wandered around Boston, and went to the Brockton Fair, among other adventures.

Spending time in Maine with my oldest sister and her family.

* What’s something I got through that was really tough?

It has been an overall easy year aside from the following two somewhat difficult happenings:

The family dog dying unexpectedly was difficult.

My grandfather passed away.

* What did I avoid that I must pay more attention to in 2009?

Conflict. I need to work on speaking my mind especially when I have anxiety built up around doing so due to fear of rejection, fear of being the recipient of anger, and fear of disappointment and/or disappointing.

* What character trait did I develop most this year?

Open-mindedness. I feel I have been more receptive to the views of others and to recognizing things in and about myself that I never have before. My mind just feels much more open to possibility and alternatives.

* What new people did I meet that are now in my life?

I met Lyle and Angela who live in the condo above us. They are friendly, interesting, and very giving people. Couldn't ask for better neighbors! We definitely lucked out :-)

I met my fellow volunteers and the families at Perkins and the young women and staff at Teen Voices magazine.

I met my postcard buddy, Melissa, who I am so happy to be getting to know. Maybe a visit to San Francisco is in the cards for me in 2009 <3

There are still memories to be made in 2008, but I am looking forward to 2009 and whatever is coming my way as I, a self proclaimed work in progress, evolve.

A Vegan Goes to Burger King

I am a vegan. For the past 6 years, I have been a vegan. Initially I made this dietary change for health reasons, but I have become more aware of and sensitive to the animals as well. Anyway, it has been unprocessed whole foods such as beans, lentils, whole grains, fresh veggies, tofu... You get the idea... for me for 6 years. Yesterday, I went to Burger King.

Why?

I love my Teen Voices girls.

Yesterday, the three girls finished Edit One of the article they are writing on HPV. It was not easy. Together they wrote the introduction, the "Did you know..." section containing facts and statistics, and the questions they will ask the doctor they will be interviewing. They divided up three other sections: One wrote a section about the vaccine; One wrote the "Words to Know" section containing definitions of words related to HPV; One wrote the "Why, How, and Where to Get Tested" section. A lot of hard work was done. They deserved to celebrate their success. What did they want to do? Where did they want to go to celebrate?

Maybe Starbucks for coffee and sweets? Maybe Qdoba for a burrito? Maybe Al Capone's for pizza or subs?

All are nearby the office.

No. They wanted to go to Burger King.

We went. I told them it was my treat and they could have whatever they wanted. They were quite surprised. I guess I hadn't made this clear enough before we set out.

In retrospect, I wonder if they wanted Burger King because, though I tried to make it clear, they did not realize I was paying.

Two Number Nines with Sprite, One Number Six with Sprite, and a slushie (I had to pick something). $19.84

Cheap.

The sandwiches were huge. The amount of french fries was more than generous. The drinks were enormous. Even the girls commented, but finished their meals anyhow.

Outrageous Portions.

Super Mario was pictured on my cup.

Targeted Marketing.

I am still vegan. I am still anti-fast food. So, why did I bring the girls there?

Mostly because I try not to force my beliefs and choices on others.

The girls did ask, "Miss., why aren't you eating?" I explained that I am vegan and what that entails. I told them that I did it for health reasons, but there are others who do it out of concern for animals.

They asked what I do eat and if I am having Tofurkey for Thanksgiving. So we talked about that. I told them that I am making a Shepard's Pie without meat for Thanksgiving, but there will be turkey and fixin's for everyone else. Two of them chimed in with how their moms make Shepard's Pie and one of them told me they make something like that in her culture (Puerto Rican), but they call it something else.

"Miss., is your husband vegan, too?" No. I cook meat for him, but I don't eat it.

So, prompted by the girls, we talked about healthy foods, nutrition, choices, etc.

Oh, and we talked about Thanksgiving, boyfriends, family, music, and



P Diddy's "Stunna" son.

Plus, we sang the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Theme song and giggled... a lot.

Yep, a vegan went to Burger King.

Three Teen Girls and a Baby Boy

At the end of October I met Three Teen Girls, my mentees at Teen Voices Magazine. Tuesday and Thursday afternoons we spend two hours together working on their article. Four hours a week doesn't sound like much, but those hours are jam-packed with work, talk, and giggles. Those girls fill-up far more than four hours of my week and no one is more surprised about it than me. I think about the girls every day. I jot things down in my internship journal constantly. I look for tools and resources to help them with their work. I loosely prepare plans for our time together. Time consuming, eh? Why? The only conceivable answer is LOVE. I love the magazine, the work, and, most of all, the girls.

The girls. They have opened my eyes, my heart, and my mind.
My eyes are attuned to details, to each girl's individual world...
My heart is more expansive in responsive to the love the girls so willingly give...
My mind recognizes differences in similarities and similarities in differences...
Eyes, heart, and mind are less stubborn, less resistant, far more flexible...

I am so grateful for the girls' trust, honesty, hard work, and openness to possibilities. It is amazing that we are halfway through our time together. I am loving every minute.

***

One morning a week, I volunteer at Perkin's School for the Blind. I work with an eleven month old Baby Boy. Baby Boy has Nystagmus, possibly 80/20 vision, and low muscle tone. I work with him one-on-one in the early intervention classroom (two trained teachers are present) while his mother goes to an informational workshop with other parents.

Talking with people about Perkins, the common reaction is "How sad." and/or "Seeing what can happen, your desire for children must be much less." For me, there is only joy and my desire for children has remained high and possibly increased. I have always been an optimist, a wisher, a hope'r', and a dreamer.

"How sad." is never something I have felt at Perkins. "How amazing! How inspiring! How adorable! How strong! How beautiful! How smart!" Those are feelings I have had. Every morning I spend there with Baby Boy brings joy. Each successive morning, Baby Boy makes progress. The first morning I spent with him, he napped from 11 to 11:45, but each week he has slept less and less. As time goes on, I notice him sitting up on his own for longer periods of time, reaching for things that I place further away from him, showing me that he is growing physically stronger and that perhaps he can see further than doctors first imagined. He shows me his intellect by repeating actions I have shown him in the past such as banging two items together to make "music". This week, for the first time, when I laid him on the changing table he began furiously kicking his feet, grinning from ear to ear and giggling. Pretty fantastic for a little guy with low muscle tone. Often children with low muscle tone also have trouble with talking and start making sounds much later than normal, but Baby Boy talks more and more each week and especially enjoys talking with me and the giant teddy bear in the classroom. Baby Boy has taught me to live even more in the moment and pay even closer attention to every detail, any shred of progress, than I already do. He has also taught me to be more determined and to push myself well past the imaginary limits I may place on myself. Baby Boy is Joy. Joy leaves no room for sadness.

As far as my still strong, perhaps even stronger, desire to have babies, I don't see how volunteering at Perkins could ever negatively impact that desire. The parents I meet, especially Baby Boy's mother, are inspiring, empowered, and educating themselves in order to be the best parents and advocates for their children. It is a privilege to know them and to observe them. They are incredible and I am in awe. Working with Baby Boy, noting his progress, cuddling his cuddliness, imagining his infinite possibilities, reveling in his accomplishments... How could any of that decrease my desire for babies? Yes, of course these parents and these children have additional challenges, but I watch them continuously meet and overcome them. "but you must have some fear of your children having a disability..." you might venture. I acknowledge that there is always fear when one takes a chance and leaps into the unknown. Bringing a child into the world may be the ultimate gamble any human ever takes. I say, the bigger the gamble, the bigger the reward. I also feel that having this experience at Perkins, getting this hands-on education about differently-abled children, has so far given me greater confidence in my ability and readiness to deal with any challenges my children may have. My strong desire to have children is still intact.

So, fellow bloggers and blog readers, that is where I have been spending my time, with Three Teen Girls and a Baby Boy. Not quite Three Men and a Baby - "They changed her diapers. She changed their lives.", but, minus the cheesy tagline, better I wager.

Never Far NieNie

This week has been extraordinarily busy. Homework and presentation preparation for school, nannying, and lots to do around the home has tuckered me out and sent me to bed much earlier than normal. Though I have not been very good about posting a nightly Grateful post in the spirit of Nie, she, her beloved Mr. Nielson, their incredible children, and her family have never been far from my thoughts and prayers.

So, I give you,
THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR - TUESDAY AND WEDNESDAY RETROSPECTIVE
the strength and creativity and motivation and intellect to complete work on and deliver a well-received presentation that I can be proud of, courteous people with whom I shared a printer in the computer lab at school, pretty and comfortable cotton skirts, thin but cozy leggings, knee-high boots that put a swagger in my step, moisturizing lip gloss, walks around town, vegan fruit and nut chocolate chip energy bars, honesty from others, health, longish but well-kept hair on boys, sparkling eyes, elevator rides, soft scarves, arrival of new glasses, the quality of the moments my husband and I are able to spend together in spite of how busy we have both been, communication, being busy with such positive and rewarding endeavors, cat recovering seemingly well from Bartonella thanks to a diagnosis by an amazing vet and medicine that the kitty takes as willingly as one could expect, increased self-awareness, unexpected new nannying schedule that actually fits in better with my school and internship schedule, home, taking time out to do fun things that make me happy without taking away from everyone and everything in my life, steamy showers, fall foliage beginning to emerge, opening windows and sunroof and singing at the top of my lungs while driving, boys on bicycles, natural curl of my hair, deep sleep, dreams, aspirations, inspirations, the library, having a library book drop directly across the street from my front door, exciting package from Teen Voices Magazine arriving in the mail, old basset hound named Joe, friendly soccer fans, self control, patience, thinking before speaking, going outside my comfort zone, whole wheat raisin english muffin with organic peanut butter and organic apple slices, time to cook wholesome meals, becoming more aware of the little things in life and what a big difference the little things can make, Christian healing well and being pretty much out of sedation, Nie's amazingly strong body accepting 50% of her skin graft (20% more than average), CJane continuing to give updates and let bloggers into her life and the life of her family, hope, love, soft socks, towels warm from the dryer, rocking chair, memory, appreciation, tomato, garlic, candlelight, night air settling on my skin, hugs and kisses, family, communication, public transportation, swings, being present in the moment, yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Prayers and positivity to Nie and Christian & family.

IN CASE I DON'T GET A CHANCE TO DO A GRATEFUL POST TONIGHT -
Please think of and pray for Stephanie in an extra-special way tomorrow as she will be undergoing another skin grafting surgery. Thank you!

Merc'Nie' Me

there's so much to be grateful for!

First my song of the day from OneRepublic titled Mercy on YouTube. and lyrics on metrolyrics.com. Started singing and had to stop because of tears.



Also grateful for time with my nannying charges, toddler giggles, growth, tousled hair, time for writing and developing that talent/gift/strength in myself, an active mind, being offered an Editorial Mentor position at Teen Voices Magazine and accepting, blankies, attentive husband, energy to get things done, inspiration, rocking chairs, change of seasons, chats with my brother, confidence, passion, ways of releasing and channeling emotion, Christian Nielson's so far successful skin grafts and slowly coming out of sedation, Stephanie Nielson's seemingly so far sit-and-wait successful skin graft surgery, power of prayer, naptime, recognizing things by being present and in the moment, strength, perseverance, observation, kitty snores, hugs and kisses, homemade garlic bread, deep breaths, education, home, health, husband, where I have been and where I am going, chances, yesterday and today and tomorrow.

Prayers and positivity to Nie and Christian & family.

Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite <3

Two Days of School Days

It has been a very full two days. Monday was groceries, house chores, eye doctor, and math class. Tuesday was house chores, therapy, Teen Voices Interview, and poetry class. Today began with babysitting from 6:45 to 8:45, catching up on the blog world, homework, and now posting. This afternoon more homework, bank, make dinner.

The best part of all these busy days? Coming home to my patient, thoughtful, gentle, encouraging, supportive, loving, amazing husband at the end of them. He picks me up at the bus stop, asks me about my day, opens my car door when we get home, runs ahead to get the house door, lets me go about getting situated back at home and into my pj's, and is ready and waiting for primo cuddling on the couch when I finish up. Just had to give him a shout out because transitions can be tough, this back to school thing is a definite transition, and he is making it so much easier.

The Wonderful Mr. BrainyandBeautiful


*Photo courtesy of A Better Sound.

Math. I am in awe of Math. I almost feel like I am taking a Math appreciation course, but really we are learning math concepts from the beginning of Math to now and applying them to every day situations. The first week we talked about how angles and geometry are key to building sound structures and about Triangulation and how early man used it for navigating the land and how it has been used subsequently in war, football, and space travel, among other things. This week was about circles, navigating the sea, Math as a language with different dialects, the Greenwich clock, true north, magnetic north, and compasses. It is all fascinating and feels more relevant than it ever has for me before. The professor is very excited about Math and very comfortable with sitting in silence while we sit and try to come up with answers to his questions which makes for a fun and comfortable atmosphere. Very engaging. My appreciation for math and good teachers is growing exponentially (yippee for math terms!).

Poetry. It makes me feel all dreamy and passionate. Last night's class had us analyzing Tomaz Salamun, an esoteric, stream of consciousness, imaginative, "Alice in Wonderland" type poet. His work is filled with fascinating juxtapositions, always something at odds in his poems, and, even though on the surface things don't make complete sense, the reader is drawn in to trying to make sense of the madness. One of my favorite poems by him is Barbies from his book titled Blackboards.

In class we each wrote a poem in the spirit of Salamun's work using the following words/phrase: little pointed ears, spokes, pumpkin, peony, hemorrhages, Barbies, kayak, chart, bread, anchorage, dumplings, Bandaid, handbags.

I found mine a bit lacking, but I share it here anyhow:
Little Pointed Ears speak meaningless sounds. Spokes poke noiselessly through.
Pumpkin Peony hemorrhages barbies. Kayak chart the way. Bread an anchorage for dumplings. Just a bandaid for tomorrow's handbags.

Typing this out I wonder if I should change "Just" in the last line to "Lust"... I think it would kind of make things more interesting. Anyway, it appears as it was written last night.

For the second half of class we analyzed and critiqued the work of our classroom peers. We did not get to three or four poems (including mine), but it was an intellectually stimulating experience none-the-less. Everyone in the room has opinions and speaks them. Listening to my peers helps me to be a better analyst of poetry, a better critic, and a better writer. Reading the work of my peers causes me too feel that my poetic work is too simple, too elementary, too clean. I am interested to hear what they think of my work when we analyze it next week. This will be an enlightening semester.

Finally, I had my interview with Teen Voices Magazine yesterday. Their office space feels very much like a loft apartment with brick walls painted white, comfy furniture, and creatively divided space. Lisa Rodrigues interviewed me, was very welcoming, and we had a great conversation as I answered her questions and she mine. I feel it went well, but one never knows. The verdict comes in by the end of the week. Regardless of the result, the experience of interviewing and meeting such kind, intelligent, driven, passionate women was a gift.

Though very busy and full, the week is off to a fantastic start.

Infi'Nie'ly Lovely

the fullness of my day was. Tonight I am grateful for husband waking me gently, plush pillows, fasting, prayer, further understanding of my inner workings, moving forward, supportive undergarments, active mind, boy in baggy pants with tattoos and backwards hat turning around to reveal quote from scripture on the back of his shirt, surprising glances, longish shaggy hair, husband, home, health, analyzing poetry with others, experience of interviewing at Teen Voices Magazine, shirt dresses, horses on Boston Common, walking through vibrant Downtown Crossing, cool Fall morning, restraint, inner strength, mirroring, wind blowing through sunroof, pictures, cuddly blankies, love of all kinds, babies swaddled by mothers, bus driver dancing to my ring tone,kitty fluff, nearness, awareness of all senses, engagement in the world, gentle silence, hugs, and another lovely day to look forward to tomorrow.

Prayers and positivity to Nie and Christian & family. Additional prayers for Nie as she recovers from the major skin graft surgery she had today.

Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite <3

Divi'Nie'ly Bestowed...

gifts received today include the opportunity to interview at Teen Voices Magazine, patience and compassion instead of petty arguments, making the 9:15 p.m. bus (there was running involved), exercise, a math teacher who is able to get through to me and help me to see math in a new light, the energy and motivation to get the many items on my list completed and still have time left over to sit on the couch and cuddle my husband, helping me to remember things and think deeply about things in order to work through these revelations and grow, giving me the strength to face things I otherwise would avoid or bury somewhere deep inside and the ability to sort through this information intelligently, giving me the gift of being able to write well and use writing as an outlet for my thoughts and feelings and ideas, inspiration, family and friends who expand and challenge my view of the world, stimulating conversation and little things such as kitty love, lipstick, flowers blooming, thick and soft towels, broccoli, home, pretty fabric, making it to class on time despite technical difficulties with public transportation, beads, ribbons, creative inspiration and so much more, but I am too exhausted to continue to enumerate.

Prayers and positivity to Nie and Christian & family. Additional prayers for Nie as she prepares for major skin graft surgery tomorrow.

Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite <3

Impending Interview

After a wonderful weekend with my husband, I have time to write an entry in complete sentences. Thank goodness for that :-)

On September 12 in this entry I wrote about the opportunity I was offered to interview at Teen Voices Magazine. Well, since I did not receive a reply to the email I sent early Friday afternoon, I called them today and my interview is tomorrow at 4:00 p.m. Slowly things are progressing.

Now, I worked in Human Resources and have interviewed and been interviewed a fair number of times, but I still looked up "How to Interview for an Internship" and perused this article. I think this means I am nervous. I have never interviewed for an internship before, but I have confidently gone to be interviewed for positions on many occasions. What is different this time? I guess part of me views this opportunity as my first potential "big break" into the publishing business which is something I have been working toward for awhile now and it is on the cusp of coming true. Am I building it up a bit? Probably, but it is a big deal to me.

Then the practical, rational side of me says, "Alex, you have read the entire Teen Voices website from beginning to end, you have thought about how you might answer potential questions, you have a folder containing your questions and extra copies of your resume and cover letter, and, most importantly you have your self, your personality, your know-how, and your experience. You will be fine."

In less than twenty-four hours the interview will be over and the waiting to find out if I have been accepted begins.

I put it in the hands of a higher power. If it is to be, it shall be. I have done my part.

A Reassuring Whisper

Not too long ago I was questioning whether or not I was taking my life in the right direction:

August 21, 2008 - Applying for internships is different than applying for jobs. The resume and cover letter content are different. What potential employers are looking for seems much more mysterious to me. I wonder if my being an adult student helps or hinders my chances of procuring an internship position, if my experience in the workforce and in life helps or hinders my chances, if the tone of my cover letter is too serious, if not being able to get an internship so far means I won't be able to get a job when I finish my degree, and, finally, if the fact that I have not heard back from anyone means that I have taken my life in the wrong direction. That is a lot of ifs. So, I keep searching, keep applying, and wait.

See full post here.

In the busyness of this my first week of school, I had not checked my special "internship email account" in three days. Last night I did and it turns out that, though their Editorial Assistant Positions have been filled, Teen Voices Magazine would like to interview me for an Editorial Mentor Position. I am resisting exclamation points because I have not yet interviewed and the position is not yet mine, but I find this extremely encouraging. If nothing else, it is a reassuring whisper that I am on the right path and walking in the right direction.

In the spirit of reassuring whispers, I give you 10 O'Clock, a recent account of me seeking to reassure myself:

10 O'Clock
I am not a child
I am not a child
I am not a child
Lately it seems I am oft heard loudly repeating this phrase
Later I say to myself, "Who are you trying to convince?"

Tonight at 10 O'Clock I step off the bus
and decide to prove it to myself
Turning off my cellphone and tucking it inside my purse
inside my book bag I begin

Step by Step by Step, One by One by One
I walk the five blocks home
in the dark

Block by Block by Block, One by One by One
I repeat
I am not a child
a child
a child
a child
a child I am not

Turning the corner
Ascending the three steps to my porch
Slipping the key in the lock
Opening the door to confirmation
of the affirmation
I am not a child.