Takes Two To Tango

It seems there is a little interview fun sweeping through Blogville. I first learned of it through Julie at Tangobaby. She was interviewed by julochka here. Such fun! I wanted to be a part of it. Tangobaby is a busy interviewer, but anticipating her questions has been half the fun. To those of you visiting from Tangobaby's blog, welcome and thank you!
Without further ado...

Tangobaby: You wrote a beautiful post about living in a very small town, and about looking at the moon, and being with your family together and singing. How did life in a small town prepare you for being an adult? What gifts did you take with you from that experience?

Brainy and Beautiful: I lived in that small town for the first ten and a half years of my life. Maybe I idealize it a little because I think of it as the place where I lived and left my innocence. I guess it did prepare me for adulthood. Since the community was so small, I really got to know the adults and see how they lived. I could write whole posts about Bob, Pat, the Schwartz Family, the Julio's, the family who ran the candy store, the Smith's who owned and operated the farm stand, my bus driver, all my teachers... I don't want to bore you with my listing. I guess what they all had in common was a sense of responsibility to the community at large and a genuine concern and caring for all of the children in the community. That is what I took with me and have put into practice as an adult.

Living there was a gift. Specifically, looking back:
the freedom to roam
a sense of safety
knowing I am o.k. as I am
being seen. Invisibility was an impossibility.
understanding that children are integral to the community and its ability to flourish
knowing nature
an interconnectedness

TB: I know that you are a devoted nanny and love children and helping them grow. What do you think you most want to instill in the children that you take care of? What is the greatest gift you have ever received from a child? I know that your current position is in a transition. Do you see yourself continuing to work with children in some way?

B&B: The thing I most want to instill in the children that I care for is a sense of self. That is the first thing that comes to mind anyway. I believe that everything else I'd like to instill stems from self-awareness.

Greatest gift I have ever received from a child... The children are gifts in and of themselves. All that personality, energy, and unique perspective. I love when they run up to me and give me unsolicited hugs and kisses. Most of all, they help me to keep my inner child and sense of wonder alive which, in my limited experience, is one of the keys to lifelong happiness.

My current position is in transition. I am still wavering about whether to seek a new position. Right now I am leaning towards no. I have so many other pursuits vying for my attention. If I was to nanny again, I would want to be able to give the new family all that I have to give. Currently, with my attentions so divided, that is an impossibility.

For now, I will definitely continue to volunteer with little ones at Perkins School for the Blind one day a week. I can't imagine ever not working with children in some way shape or form.

TB: Tell us more about Teen Voices and your work with them. What is your hope for the girls you work with? What is your impression of how they see the world?

B&B: Teen Voices is indescribable. It is a magazine written by and for teen girls. It is also a mentoring program. Everyone in the non-profit organization is female. You'd think it might get catty, but I've never seen that happen. Teen Voices relies heavily on donations and even more heavily on volunteers. Last session I volunteered as a mentor working with three young women to put together an article about a chronic disease. Other volunteers mentored other groups of two or three girls working on articles devoted to other topics.

The magazine is really written by teen girls all over the world thanks to submissions. However, the teen girls working in the Teen Voices office, writing the articles into which the submissions are incorporated, are all living in and around Boston, Massachusetts. Many of them would be labeled "disadvantaged", "minority", or "at-risk", but I don't do labels. Neither does Teen Voices.

My hope for the girls I work with is that they will recognize their full potential and strive to achieve it and then some.

One of my greatest lessons from last session is that that each individual has their own concept of "normal". Each of us sees the world differently.
There were some commonalities among my mentees: Hope. A desire to learn and grow. Inner strength. Drive to succeed.
Commonalities that I believe we all have as humans. Really, at our core, we are all the same.
If I asked the girls how they see the world I believe each of the answers would be some variation of "as a place I am going to take by storm."

After last session, I was not ready to say good-bye. The Editor and Chief asked me to stay on as an Editorial Assistant working with her to put together the print and online magazine. I started last Thursday and am eager to see the whole process from a different angle.

TB: As a vegan, what is the most important thing about your lifestyle that you'd share with those of us who are not. If someone wanted to become a vegan or a vegetarian, what advice would you offer first?

B&B: First of all, every vegan is different. Reasons for veganism vary from vegan to vegan. There are various shades of veganism. Ask any vegan these questions and you would get different answers from each of them. So, I am only speaking for myself through the lens of my experience.

There are so many things I would love to share with you about being vegan. I don't do well with the whole "pick the most important thing" questions, huh? One thing: It is not as difficult as it first appears. It is not hard to find things to eat and continue to get the nutrients your body needs.

Also, there are so many benefits to being vegan. Health Benefits. Environmental Benefits. Other Benefits. Google "benefits of veganism" and you'll be quite surprised. I was quite impressed with this list on nursingdegree.net.

That brings me to my first piece of advice to anyone considering vegetarianism or veganism. Educate yourself through research (internet, books, magazines), talking to vegans, watching videos about veganism on YouTube, watching movies about veganism (Earthlings, Super Size Me, Fast Food Nation, I am an Animal, What's On Your Plate, Food Matters) talking to health professionals, and any other means you can think of. Then try it for a month or so. At the end of that month, decide if it is right for you.

TB: Tell us a little bit about Mr. B&B... he sounds like a lovely fella. How did you first meet? Does he mind that you write about him?

B&B: Oh, Mr. B&B... He is a lovely fella. Just today he woke me with little pecks on the cheek, cleared my car of snow, put his pj's in the hamper, hung up his towels after his shower, scooped the kitty litter, thanked me for making his lunch, and wished me a wonderful day with a hug as he left for work. The good most definitely outweighs the little annoyances.

Our first meeting is a longish story:
I met him at the craziest time of my life. May 5, 2001. It was the day after I had moved out of my parents house leaving only vague notes in my wake. I was a month and ten days shy of my 20th birthday. I had just decided to take a break from college and work for awhile. My best friend and her family took me in while I settled the unknowns.

A May 5th camping trip had been planned for Tanya's (my best friend) birthday. Tanya, Greg (her boyfriend), Nicole (a friend), Andrew (my very ex-boyfriend), a few of Andrew's friends, Mr. B&B, and I journeyed to the wild's of western Connecticut. There was grocery shopping, tent assembling, card playing, firewood collecting, kick ball playing, fire building, food preparing, story-telling fun. Then it got dark and cold and we went to bed. Greg & Tanya, Nicole, Brad, and I were in one tent. Having just moved, I didn't have a sleeping bag or a pillow. So, I used a blanket Tanya loaned me and hoped for the best. Not effective. I woke up screaming into the darkness and unable to feel my feet. Needless to say, everyone woke up. Many apologies later, I squeezed myself into a tight ball and wrapped the blankets around me more tightly.

Nicole tapped me on the shoulder, "B--- wants me to pass you his sweatshirt." I declined, but B--- wouldn't take no for an answer. Nicole got annoyed with being the go between. Somehow I ended up in B---'s sweatshirt, in my blanket, in his sleeping bag, with his arms around me, whispering until the sky began turning pink. That is how we began.

To answer the second part of the question, does he mind me writing about him, maybe a little. Mr. B&B knew I was a writer that first night in the tent. He actually encouraged me to blog. Sometimes he teases me with, "Uh oh... I better be careful or this will end up on the blog..." If I ever posted something about him that he wasn't comfortable with, he knows that all he has to do is say the word and it will come down. He is infinitely important to me and excluding him from my blog is impossible, but I respect his feelings. I feel kind of weird answering this for him. Maybe I can convince him to guest blog some time soon.

Until then, I leave you with...

Five Fun Facts About Mr. B&B:
He came in second in a statewide chess championship while in high school
He likes to sweep and dust.
While at home, he lives in his slippers.
He sings to the cat, personalizing the lyrics to popular songs to suit her.
He loves cars and has been behind the wheel at New Hampshire Motor Speedway and Circuit Mont-Tremblant.

Thanks for the dance, Julie!

Anyone else want to play?
Here are "The Rules":
1. Leave me a comment saying: "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the questions.)
3. You will update your blog with the answers and link to my blog in your post.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed you will ask them five questions.

I would love to channel my inner Barbara Walters/Oprah Winfrey <3
Most importantly, I'd love to learn more about all of you. Just say the word!

The Pink Elephant and The German

Holidays can be tricky. For the past seven holiday seasons, my husband and I have been able to see both his family and my family for both holidays. Our families live only 15 minutes apart so we do Thanksgiving dinner at one house and dessert at the other, same thing on Christmas. We trade off who gets what dinner each year. Last year was Thanksgiving Dinner with my parents and dessert with his; Christmas Dinner with his parents and dessert with mine. So, it was back to his parents for Thanksgiving Dinner this year except...

Thanksgiving dinner ended up being at his Granny's house.

This was a problem because she lives 45 minutes from my parents.

Thankfully my parents were understanding and said, "Just call us on Thanksgiving and we will see you at Christmas."

So, off to Granny's we went bearing Vegan Shepard's Pie (carrots, onions, sweet potato) and my vegan version of Pear Galette. Delish!

We arrived after Mr. B&B's aunt, uncle, and cousin BUT before his parents, brother, and sister. We chatted and began setting things out on the buffet. I must admit chatting was somewhat difficult for me because of the big pink elephant in the room that we were forewarned not to talk about. Everyone knows the "secret" so why can't we talk about it? Why must we pretend? Silence and pretending does not change the facts. I think many families have big pink elephants, so if you need to get yours off your chest, please comment on this blog post. You'll feel better for sure!

Our Pink Elephant? Mr. B&B's cousin, who married in May 2007 (2 weeks after our April wedding), has been separated from his wife for the past four months and divorce proceedings have begun.

Phew... I sure feel better. I mean, I feel horrible about the demise of their marriage, but glad to have typed the truth out loud.

When my in-laws arrived with the turkey, dinner began. My amazing 20-year-old sister-in-law said grace. She has a beautiful way with words. I spent all of dinner talking with her about art therapy, interning at non-profits, alternative medicine, and her recent trip to a Navajo reservation. Oh, how I have missed her! We always try and get together, but our schedules are very different.

After dinner all of the ladies gathered in the kitchen to clean up, divvy up food, and do dishes. Well, Granny was doing dishes, sister-in-law was drying, and others were putting away. Out of the blue my mother-in-law says to her daughter, "Have you told them about The German?" It seems my sister-in-law met a German recently and they are "kind of falling in love" with each other, but he returns home to Germany in a few short weeks when his student visa runs out. "He is smart and cute and sweet, but who knows what will happen so we are just enjoying the time we have." says my smitten, but still sort of level headed sister-in-law.

Before anyone can be happy for her, things go wild. Granny, quite possibly because of the big pink elephant in the room, begins going on and on about how The German probably has other American girls and girls back in Germany that he is seeing. If he is so cute and smart and sweet there is no way that her granddaughter is the only one he is seeing. This escalates quickly and tensions rise. The smitten one is walking the fine line of disputing and debating her grandmother and quite possibly verbally attacking her for her disrespect, inability to be happy for her, inability to recognize her as an adult, and overall pessimism.

Not one for tension, at a pause in verbal repartee, I offered to take over with dish drying. Sister-in-Law accepted. I was left alone with Granny. I talked about my parents having Thanksgiving with my brother, his girlfriend who is on a student visa from Romania, and her brother who was having his first Thanksgiving meal ever. Slowly changing the subject, bringing down the tension... I can do that.

Well, unlike the Pink Elephant, Granny is going to talk about The German. Still heated she tells me she is not stupid and she knows she ruffled her grandchild's feathers. I respond that I never said she was stupid. I continue to get an earful about her grandchild being too sensitive and sensitivity being a handicap. She goes on to say that this time last year she saw her grandchild get hurt by a young man and she just doesn't want to see that happen again. I responded that I understand that, but sometimes, as hard as it is to watch, especially with romantic relationships, we have to let those we love learn by living, learn by making mistakes because sometimes that is the only way for them to grow. At least we both said our piece.

My thoughts didn't go over too well, but the dishes were done and I went in search of my husband. We had a pleasant dessert and departed. My husband and I enjoyed the peaceful ride home just the two of us gabbing and singing to the radio and reflecting on what we're thankful for. Yes, family, no matter how crazy they can be, were on the list somewhere between our marriage and the Pear Galette ;-)

What do you think of Pink Elephants and Germans? Do you have a preference? If so, which one? Feel free to let the elephants loose in the comment section!

A Vegan Goes to Burger King

I am a vegan. For the past 6 years, I have been a vegan. Initially I made this dietary change for health reasons, but I have become more aware of and sensitive to the animals as well. Anyway, it has been unprocessed whole foods such as beans, lentils, whole grains, fresh veggies, tofu... You get the idea... for me for 6 years. Yesterday, I went to Burger King.

Why?

I love my Teen Voices girls.

Yesterday, the three girls finished Edit One of the article they are writing on HPV. It was not easy. Together they wrote the introduction, the "Did you know..." section containing facts and statistics, and the questions they will ask the doctor they will be interviewing. They divided up three other sections: One wrote a section about the vaccine; One wrote the "Words to Know" section containing definitions of words related to HPV; One wrote the "Why, How, and Where to Get Tested" section. A lot of hard work was done. They deserved to celebrate their success. What did they want to do? Where did they want to go to celebrate?

Maybe Starbucks for coffee and sweets? Maybe Qdoba for a burrito? Maybe Al Capone's for pizza or subs?

All are nearby the office.

No. They wanted to go to Burger King.

We went. I told them it was my treat and they could have whatever they wanted. They were quite surprised. I guess I hadn't made this clear enough before we set out.

In retrospect, I wonder if they wanted Burger King because, though I tried to make it clear, they did not realize I was paying.

Two Number Nines with Sprite, One Number Six with Sprite, and a slushie (I had to pick something). $19.84

Cheap.

The sandwiches were huge. The amount of french fries was more than generous. The drinks were enormous. Even the girls commented, but finished their meals anyhow.

Outrageous Portions.

Super Mario was pictured on my cup.

Targeted Marketing.

I am still vegan. I am still anti-fast food. So, why did I bring the girls there?

Mostly because I try not to force my beliefs and choices on others.

The girls did ask, "Miss., why aren't you eating?" I explained that I am vegan and what that entails. I told them that I did it for health reasons, but there are others who do it out of concern for animals.

They asked what I do eat and if I am having Tofurkey for Thanksgiving. So we talked about that. I told them that I am making a Shepard's Pie without meat for Thanksgiving, but there will be turkey and fixin's for everyone else. Two of them chimed in with how their moms make Shepard's Pie and one of them told me they make something like that in her culture (Puerto Rican), but they call it something else.

"Miss., is your husband vegan, too?" No. I cook meat for him, but I don't eat it.

So, prompted by the girls, we talked about healthy foods, nutrition, choices, etc.

Oh, and we talked about Thanksgiving, boyfriends, family, music, and



P Diddy's "Stunna" son.

Plus, we sang the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Theme song and giggled... a lot.

Yep, a vegan went to Burger King.