Honestly

I am an optimist. I look for the good in every day. I strive for positivity.

Lately, I have struggled to stay optimistic, see the good, and stay positive.

So, I haven't blogged.

My blog is supposed to be a happy place, a positive space. Why infect it with my struggle? Why subject all of you to my darker places?

I believe there is good in everything, that is why. Maybe if I am honest with myself and with all of you, something good will come out of it.

Honestly?

I am three classes and a thesis away from earning my bachelor's degree. I don't know if I want to continue.

After a year in therapy, I stopped going at the beginning of August. I now realize I need it even if it feels like I am going nowhere or wandering in circles some of the time.

I am unsure about everything these days. At least a few tears fall every day.

Still, the optimist in me still gets me up and out of bed every morning with a "Keep trying and it will get better."

Honestly.

Don't Fence Me In

Sitting in the grass and clover of the park, I spied lovely yellow flowers growing between two fences.

I wanted to set them free. Whenever I see anything caged, I want to set it free.

I identified with the flowers. There have been many times in my life when I have felt trapped, stuck in other people's narrow definitions and ideas of success. Even now, I find myself struggling to break free, make my own way.

Slowly, over the course of a few moments, I realized that the flowers, too, were reaching for freedom. The fences limited their growth width-wise, but they were growing up, no limits imposed upon them.



They gave me hope and courage, those little yellow flowers. Whenever I feel boxed in I will look around and find another direction in which to grow. So simple, yet I had never really thought of it before.

What do you do, what helps you to find your way?

Listen to Bing Crosby and The Andrews Sisters sing "Don't Fence Me In" on YouTube.