Playing Catch Up

So, I've been away a few days due to end of semester work and Teen Voices internship stuff. I'm overwhelmed. I'm tired. I am totally feeling the pollen attack that is spring in New England.

I can't wait to get on the plane to San Francisco. May 10th can't come soon enough.

Today my dear friend Irma came over. We cleaned my kitchen, made Amish Friendship Bread, ate the bread and drank some tea, and took a walk to and from the post office.
We literally stopped and smelled the flowers on the trees. It was refreshing. How I love girl time.

Hope you all had a Happy Friday!

Best to Believe

Confession: I skipped Teen Voices Thursday, Tuesday, and Thursday. I was feeling overwhelmed. There were also some things on my mind regarding Teen Voices that I wasn't sure how or if I should express to the editor. Even though I know avoidance is bad, I retreated anyway. Don't worry, I am working it out in therapy! :-)

Anyway, yesterday the editor and I met for coffee near the office. She is a really great person, easy to talk to, and firm, but understanding. I was anxious because facing things I have been avoiding is a major change in behavior for me. I was not afraid or anxious about the editor, but about the change, even though I know it is for the better.

While I sat at the table waiting for the editor to get her coffee, I heard Nat King Cole crooning "Smile" over the Starbucks sound system. I smiled. Anxiety washed away. I believe the universe knew just what I needed to hear and spoke through Nat.

Everything went well with the editor. My role is more defined. I know where I fit. I have been assigned specific work. We also determined an end date for my internship. She's done the same with my fellow interns. With this structure in place, things are already getting much better. After coffee, we went to the office where I completed post-production for the online magazine and began editing my interview with Liz Funk which will be in the May online magazine. I left at 5:30 as per the new rules.

I have learned it is best to believe. Believe that if you are honest with people about your concerns and needs, they will respond positively or, at the very least, be willing to come to a compromise. Believe in yourself and your value and your ability enough to speak up. Believe in the power of the universe, even in the form of Nat King Cole's voice.

Believe what you need to believe to get yourself through the day and a day at a time it will get better.

Bye, bye blues.

Finding My Place

Things have changed since I started my Editorial Internship at Teen Voices in January. The other editorial interns I was originally working with are no longer interning. I am now the veteran. I have trained my fellow interns, Jaime and Lizzy. We all work really well collaboratively and play off each others strengths. As they have become more comfortable and come into their own, I no longer feel "the veteran" and I find myself trying to figure out my place.

I guess we are always adjusting. Our roles vary depending on the day, depending on the assignments we are given.

We are all very strong personalities. We laugh a lot and seek advice from each other and get along well. I sometimes feel lost in the mix though. Maybe it is because they are closer in age and having similar experiences where I am nearly six years older than Jaime and even further away in age from Lizzy. Six years may not sound like a lot, but think back to all of that growing and changing you did in your twenties. Six years is an eternity.

Often I wonder if I am doing enough, if I am keeping up. The editor of the magazine tells us all we are "rockstars!" So, she has no complaints which means I have no reason to be wondering or worrying. I just can't help myself.

I move forward doing what I am asked to do and more. I keep up with email, schedule interviews with artists and activists, fact check, keep sending out materials (books and cd's) for our teen reviewers to review, collaborate with my fellow interns on larger projects, process submissions, put together articles, and smile. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy every minute! Making that list, I guess I am doing enough.

Why do I feel a little lost? Maybe it is because my role is undefined. I am used to having a set standard, set responsibilities, set guidelines for achievement. As an intern, that is not the case. Our roles are shifting, moving, changing every day. I would bet that this is the case because the editor wants each of us to have a go at every task, a well-rounded experience. I respect and admire that and am grateful for every experience. It also helps me and Lizzy and Jaime to work well collaboratively because no one is "the star", collectively we are Becca's "rockstars".

Where do I belong? I'm thinking...right where I am.

What My Mentees Mean to Me

This afternoon into the evening was my final mentoring session with my three Teen Voices girls. It was cut short because, due to an impending snow storm, the Teen Voices staff decided to move up our appreciation ceremony scheduled for tomorrow evening to this evening. The girls and I got two hours of work done in forty-five minutes time. A.MAZE.ING. So incredibly proud of them!!!!!

So, the ceremony consisted of speeches by the Editor-In-Chief and staff of Teen Voices. The teen girls gave "shout outs" to people they have become close to and spoke about Teen Voices in general. The heart of the ceremony was when the girls read paragraphs they had written to their mentors and the mentors read paragraphs they had written to their girls. I didn't cry, but you better believe there were lots and lots of hugs.

I will post their paragraphs about me individually later.

This is what I had to say to them (names have been protected):

I was blessed with three mentees. When this all started I knew their names, now I like to think I know even just a little piece of their hearts. _______________________________________________________________________
K---. NOT K---. K---. And, if you can’t get it right, K--- will do. Respect, y’all. Original name for an original young lady.

Original because you were the first one I met on our first day.

Original because I don’t know any other ladies who successfully rock the suspenders and pearls and polkadots all at once.

Original because I’ve never heard anyone rap out thoughts and feelings on stage quite the way you did at the Teen Voices spoken word event.

Original because there is not another person who sees the world exactly as you do which is why I hope you continue to share your point of view through writing and photography. Don’t hold back or ever let anyone hold you back from your creative expressions. You have a gift and you would be doing a disservice to the universe if you let anything or anyone get in the way of it. Live your dream.

You always worked hard, but there were times when your silence caused me wonder how interested you really were. As soon as doubt crossed my mind you would do something to show me otherwise. Actions sometimes speak louder than words and I loved that you often reminded me of that. Thank you for always keeping things interesting just by being yourself.
________________________________________________________________________
A---. Not A---. A---. As she says, “Good-ness, get it right people.” Unique name for a unique young woman.

A young women who prefers to work leaning over the table or laying on the ground rather than sitting down.

A young women who loves the word “lothario”.

A young women who thinks and speaks at warp speed and then calls me out when it is obvious by my reply that I only sort of understood half of what she was saying.

A young woman who, during a somewhat confusing conversation about the location of Planned Parenthood, once asked, “Wait? What? They moved the building? Where’d they put it?”

A---, you are amazingly, unfalteringly aware of what you want, where you are going, and how you are going to get there. Hold on to that. Stay confident and determined. The world better watch out, step back, get out the way because you have so much to give, so much to teach, and, when you are done, it will be a better place because you were here. There is nothing you cannot accomplish. You will take, you are in the process of taking, the world by storm. No doubt, you will blow us all away!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
V---. No name confusion here, but a remarkable Miss. nonetheless.

Miss. Conscientious.

Miss. Perfectionist.

Miss. Independent.

Miss. Calls Me Miss.

V---, I admire your willingness to speak honestly about what is on your mind, is going on in your life, without fear of how others might react. It is refreshing and I know that I have benefited from your willingness to share. It is beautiful. You are beautiful. As far as work goes, thank you for keeping everyone on task and staying focused when it would have been just as easy and maybe more fun to fall off the wagon into silly oblivion. Your seriousness and obvious desire to work hard completing the tasks on any given day helped me keep it together. Your honesty and work ethic will get you far. Miss. V---, you are beauty inside and out!
________________________________________________________________________

To all three of you,
I will miss gummy fruit snacks, gathering around one computer to “do it together”, and nagging you about saving your sources. I will miss exchanging big hugs, leaning over your shoulders every five minutes asking how things are going, and telling you how wonderful you are. I am so grateful for your trust, honesty, hard work, and openness to possibilities during our work together. I loved each and every minute. I love each and every one of you. And though I have said it again and again and again I must say it once more. I am so very proud of you and you should be extremely proud of yourselves! Round of applause for K---, A---, and V---!!!!!

A Vegan Goes to Burger King

I am a vegan. For the past 6 years, I have been a vegan. Initially I made this dietary change for health reasons, but I have become more aware of and sensitive to the animals as well. Anyway, it has been unprocessed whole foods such as beans, lentils, whole grains, fresh veggies, tofu... You get the idea... for me for 6 years. Yesterday, I went to Burger King.

Why?

I love my Teen Voices girls.

Yesterday, the three girls finished Edit One of the article they are writing on HPV. It was not easy. Together they wrote the introduction, the "Did you know..." section containing facts and statistics, and the questions they will ask the doctor they will be interviewing. They divided up three other sections: One wrote a section about the vaccine; One wrote the "Words to Know" section containing definitions of words related to HPV; One wrote the "Why, How, and Where to Get Tested" section. A lot of hard work was done. They deserved to celebrate their success. What did they want to do? Where did they want to go to celebrate?

Maybe Starbucks for coffee and sweets? Maybe Qdoba for a burrito? Maybe Al Capone's for pizza or subs?

All are nearby the office.

No. They wanted to go to Burger King.

We went. I told them it was my treat and they could have whatever they wanted. They were quite surprised. I guess I hadn't made this clear enough before we set out.

In retrospect, I wonder if they wanted Burger King because, though I tried to make it clear, they did not realize I was paying.

Two Number Nines with Sprite, One Number Six with Sprite, and a slushie (I had to pick something). $19.84

Cheap.

The sandwiches were huge. The amount of french fries was more than generous. The drinks were enormous. Even the girls commented, but finished their meals anyhow.

Outrageous Portions.

Super Mario was pictured on my cup.

Targeted Marketing.

I am still vegan. I am still anti-fast food. So, why did I bring the girls there?

Mostly because I try not to force my beliefs and choices on others.

The girls did ask, "Miss., why aren't you eating?" I explained that I am vegan and what that entails. I told them that I did it for health reasons, but there are others who do it out of concern for animals.

They asked what I do eat and if I am having Tofurkey for Thanksgiving. So we talked about that. I told them that I am making a Shepard's Pie without meat for Thanksgiving, but there will be turkey and fixin's for everyone else. Two of them chimed in with how their moms make Shepard's Pie and one of them told me they make something like that in her culture (Puerto Rican), but they call it something else.

"Miss., is your husband vegan, too?" No. I cook meat for him, but I don't eat it.

So, prompted by the girls, we talked about healthy foods, nutrition, choices, etc.

Oh, and we talked about Thanksgiving, boyfriends, family, music, and



P Diddy's "Stunna" son.

Plus, we sang the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Theme song and giggled... a lot.

Yep, a vegan went to Burger King.

Merc'Nie' Me

there's so much to be grateful for!

First my song of the day from OneRepublic titled Mercy on YouTube. and lyrics on metrolyrics.com. Started singing and had to stop because of tears.



Also grateful for time with my nannying charges, toddler giggles, growth, tousled hair, time for writing and developing that talent/gift/strength in myself, an active mind, being offered an Editorial Mentor position at Teen Voices Magazine and accepting, blankies, attentive husband, energy to get things done, inspiration, rocking chairs, change of seasons, chats with my brother, confidence, passion, ways of releasing and channeling emotion, Christian Nielson's so far successful skin grafts and slowly coming out of sedation, Stephanie Nielson's seemingly so far sit-and-wait successful skin graft surgery, power of prayer, naptime, recognizing things by being present and in the moment, strength, perseverance, observation, kitty snores, hugs and kisses, homemade garlic bread, deep breaths, education, home, health, husband, where I have been and where I am going, chances, yesterday and today and tomorrow.

Prayers and positivity to Nie and Christian & family.

Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite <3

Two Days of School Days

It has been a very full two days. Monday was groceries, house chores, eye doctor, and math class. Tuesday was house chores, therapy, Teen Voices Interview, and poetry class. Today began with babysitting from 6:45 to 8:45, catching up on the blog world, homework, and now posting. This afternoon more homework, bank, make dinner.

The best part of all these busy days? Coming home to my patient, thoughtful, gentle, encouraging, supportive, loving, amazing husband at the end of them. He picks me up at the bus stop, asks me about my day, opens my car door when we get home, runs ahead to get the house door, lets me go about getting situated back at home and into my pj's, and is ready and waiting for primo cuddling on the couch when I finish up. Just had to give him a shout out because transitions can be tough, this back to school thing is a definite transition, and he is making it so much easier.

The Wonderful Mr. BrainyandBeautiful


*Photo courtesy of A Better Sound.

Math. I am in awe of Math. I almost feel like I am taking a Math appreciation course, but really we are learning math concepts from the beginning of Math to now and applying them to every day situations. The first week we talked about how angles and geometry are key to building sound structures and about Triangulation and how early man used it for navigating the land and how it has been used subsequently in war, football, and space travel, among other things. This week was about circles, navigating the sea, Math as a language with different dialects, the Greenwich clock, true north, magnetic north, and compasses. It is all fascinating and feels more relevant than it ever has for me before. The professor is very excited about Math and very comfortable with sitting in silence while we sit and try to come up with answers to his questions which makes for a fun and comfortable atmosphere. Very engaging. My appreciation for math and good teachers is growing exponentially (yippee for math terms!).

Poetry. It makes me feel all dreamy and passionate. Last night's class had us analyzing Tomaz Salamun, an esoteric, stream of consciousness, imaginative, "Alice in Wonderland" type poet. His work is filled with fascinating juxtapositions, always something at odds in his poems, and, even though on the surface things don't make complete sense, the reader is drawn in to trying to make sense of the madness. One of my favorite poems by him is Barbies from his book titled Blackboards.

In class we each wrote a poem in the spirit of Salamun's work using the following words/phrase: little pointed ears, spokes, pumpkin, peony, hemorrhages, Barbies, kayak, chart, bread, anchorage, dumplings, Bandaid, handbags.

I found mine a bit lacking, but I share it here anyhow:
Little Pointed Ears speak meaningless sounds. Spokes poke noiselessly through.
Pumpkin Peony hemorrhages barbies. Kayak chart the way. Bread an anchorage for dumplings. Just a bandaid for tomorrow's handbags.

Typing this out I wonder if I should change "Just" in the last line to "Lust"... I think it would kind of make things more interesting. Anyway, it appears as it was written last night.

For the second half of class we analyzed and critiqued the work of our classroom peers. We did not get to three or four poems (including mine), but it was an intellectually stimulating experience none-the-less. Everyone in the room has opinions and speaks them. Listening to my peers helps me to be a better analyst of poetry, a better critic, and a better writer. Reading the work of my peers causes me too feel that my poetic work is too simple, too elementary, too clean. I am interested to hear what they think of my work when we analyze it next week. This will be an enlightening semester.

Finally, I had my interview with Teen Voices Magazine yesterday. Their office space feels very much like a loft apartment with brick walls painted white, comfy furniture, and creatively divided space. Lisa Rodrigues interviewed me, was very welcoming, and we had a great conversation as I answered her questions and she mine. I feel it went well, but one never knows. The verdict comes in by the end of the week. Regardless of the result, the experience of interviewing and meeting such kind, intelligent, driven, passionate women was a gift.

Though very busy and full, the week is off to a fantastic start.

Infi'Nie'ly Lovely

the fullness of my day was. Tonight I am grateful for husband waking me gently, plush pillows, fasting, prayer, further understanding of my inner workings, moving forward, supportive undergarments, active mind, boy in baggy pants with tattoos and backwards hat turning around to reveal quote from scripture on the back of his shirt, surprising glances, longish shaggy hair, husband, home, health, analyzing poetry with others, experience of interviewing at Teen Voices Magazine, shirt dresses, horses on Boston Common, walking through vibrant Downtown Crossing, cool Fall morning, restraint, inner strength, mirroring, wind blowing through sunroof, pictures, cuddly blankies, love of all kinds, babies swaddled by mothers, bus driver dancing to my ring tone,kitty fluff, nearness, awareness of all senses, engagement in the world, gentle silence, hugs, and another lovely day to look forward to tomorrow.

Prayers and positivity to Nie and Christian & family. Additional prayers for Nie as she recovers from the major skin graft surgery she had today.

Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite <3

Divi'Nie'ly Bestowed...

gifts received today include the opportunity to interview at Teen Voices Magazine, patience and compassion instead of petty arguments, making the 9:15 p.m. bus (there was running involved), exercise, a math teacher who is able to get through to me and help me to see math in a new light, the energy and motivation to get the many items on my list completed and still have time left over to sit on the couch and cuddle my husband, helping me to remember things and think deeply about things in order to work through these revelations and grow, giving me the strength to face things I otherwise would avoid or bury somewhere deep inside and the ability to sort through this information intelligently, giving me the gift of being able to write well and use writing as an outlet for my thoughts and feelings and ideas, inspiration, family and friends who expand and challenge my view of the world, stimulating conversation and little things such as kitty love, lipstick, flowers blooming, thick and soft towels, broccoli, home, pretty fabric, making it to class on time despite technical difficulties with public transportation, beads, ribbons, creative inspiration and so much more, but I am too exhausted to continue to enumerate.

Prayers and positivity to Nie and Christian & family. Additional prayers for Nie as she prepares for major skin graft surgery tomorrow.

Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite <3